29 May, 2008
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you
wish you had ordered that.
*******
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
*******
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight
begins!
*******
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
*******
It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
*******
It is difficult to understand GOD . He makes such beautiful things as
women and then he turns them into Wives
*******
If u r married please ignore this MSG,
For everyone else: Happy Independence Day
*******
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say.
After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.
*******
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It’s called marriage
*******
Girlfriends are like chocolates,
Taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot ‘n spicy, eaten frequently.
Wife are like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
*******
Man receives telegram: Wife dead should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
*******
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
*******
Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!
*******
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he
would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru
hell.
*******
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other
ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
*******
Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!
3 Apr, 2008
A guy from the gas board phones a house. A little boy answers.
Boy: - hello.
Gas man: - Hello can I speak to your mother or father please?
Boy: - No, they’re busy.
Gas man: - OK. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Boy: - yes, two older brothers.
Gas man: - can I speak to one of them then please?
Boy: - No, they’re busy.
Gas man: - Is there anyone else in the house?
Boy: - Yes, there’s a policeman.
Gas man: - can I speak to him then please?
Boy: - No he is busy as well.
Gas man: - So what are they all doing?
Boy: - Looking for me.
2 Apr, 2008
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.
“People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have
no one to go to with our own problems.”
“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out
right now?”
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive
shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually over bill my patients as often as I can.”
The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently
pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”
The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just
can’t keep a secret.”
30 Mar, 2008
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise,
they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on
the other side of the road, which was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his
blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.
“Well,” he whispered, “I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across
this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted,
‘Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!’
“He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, ‘Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying
piece of trash too!’
“We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us.”
30 Mar, 2008
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of
people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the
gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up
to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t
mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”
St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and
by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
28 Mar, 2008
An angry man came storming out of the courthouse, ranting and raving. He stomped
across the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, “Asshole attorneys.”
The man next to him recoiled in outrage, saying, “I want you to know I highly resent that remark.”
“Why, are you an attorney?”
“No, I’m an asshole.”
27 Mar, 2008
Attorney to Witness: “Your foster son, Corey, who cooks for him?”
Witness: “Oh, I do.”
Attorney: “How often do you cook for him?”
Witness: “We have probably one good meal a week.”
Attorney: “Well, no commentary on your cooking, but how many bad meals do you have?”
