Why did the chicken cross the road?:
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone [...]
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When you you’re in the elevator with someone you don’t know, dab his shoulder! Then you ostensibly look to other side and whistling.
Press the button and then you lift and ostensibly get shocked by the electricity then smiling at him. And then Repeat it again.
Show a face grimace in pain while holding your head and [...]
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger frantically jumps up, removes all her clothing and announces, “If I′m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone on this plane who is man enough??!!”
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this.”
Two Jewish gentlemen walk into a Chinese restaurant in China.
They ask the waiter,
“Hello my friend, we are just visiting your lovely country
as part of our travels and noticed that
we have seen Jews everywhere.
We have seen
North American Jews,
South American Jews,
European Jews,
Australian Jews
and even Antarctic Jews.
We were wondering if there are Chinese Jews.”
The waiter paused and asked [...]
Signs that you Might Need another Lawyer
Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser
When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each othe
Your lawyer picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie
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ORIGINAL QUOTE
If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she comes back, she’s yours,
If she doesn’t, she never was….
THE NEW VERSIONS…..
Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free …
If she ever comes back, she′s yours,
If she doesn’t, as expected, she never was
Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free …
Don’t worry, she will come back.
Suspicious:
If you [...]
There is an atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared [...]
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