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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.
The boy asked his father, “What is this father?”
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my [...]

When you you’re in the elevator with someone you don′t know, dab his shoulder! Then you ostensibly look to other side and whistling.

Press the button and then you lift and ostensibly get shocked by the electricity then smiling at him. And then Repeat it again.
Show a face grimace in pain while holding your head and [...]

Russian: “Please turn your ship 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.”
United States: “NO..!! It is better that you turn north!”
Russian: “You must turn to avoid the collision!”
United States: “I′m U.S. Navy captain. I said you turn to north !!!!”
Russian: “No. I say again, you turn to south!”

TEACHER : If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have ?
LITTLE JOHNNY : One dollar.
TEACHER (sadly) : You don’t know your arithmetic.
LITTLE JOHNNY (sadly): You don’t know my father.

In this life I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear.
When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
When [...]

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you
wish you had ordered that.
*******
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
*******
Why [...]

A guy from the gas board phones a house. A little boy answers.
Boy: - hello.
Gas man: - Hello can I speak to your mother or father please?
Boy: - No, they′re busy.
Gas man: - OK. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Boy: - yes, two older brothers.
Gas man: - can I speak to one of them [...]