most annoying laughs | short clean jokes | police most laughs | funny free monologues | computer stupid jokes | attorneys lawyers comedy | St.Peter and the lawyer

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of
people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the
gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up
to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t
mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”
St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and
by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”

An angry man came storming out of the courthouse, ranting and raving. He stomped
across the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, “Asshole attorneys.”
The man next to him recoiled in outrage, saying, “I want you to know I highly resent that remark.”
“Why, are you an attorney?”
“No, I’m an asshole.”

Attorney to Witness: “Your foster son, Corey, who cooks for him?”
Witness: “Oh, I do.”
Attorney: “How often do you cook for him?”
Witness: “We have probably one good meal a week.”
Attorney: “Well, no commentary on your cooking, but how many bad meals do you have?”

After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turned
to the jury foreman and asked, “Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?”
“Yes, we have, your honor,” the foreman responded.
“Would you please pass it to me,” The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to
retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge read the verdict himself, he delivered the verdict slip back to his bailiff to
be returned to the foreman and instructed the foreman, “Please read your verdict to the
court.”
“We find the defendant not guilty of all four counts of bank robbery,” stated the foreman.
The family and friends of the defendant jumped for joy at the verdict and hug each other
as they shouted expressions of divine gratitude.
The man’s attorney turned to his client and asks, “So, what do you think about that?”
The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face, turned to his attorney and said, “I’m
real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?”

Johnny appeared as a witness in a lawsuit. The attorney asked, “Where were you on the
night of July 10?”
“Your Honor, I object,” yelled the counsel for the defense.

“That’s all right, go ahead and ask me,” said Johnny. The prosecutor repeated the
question and again the defense objected.
“Hey. Why shouldn’t he ask me?” said Johnny. “I’ll answer.”
The judge said, “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to
object.”
So the attorney again repeated the question, “Where were you on the night of July 10?”
Johnny said, “I don’t know.”

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city sub- scribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. “Only a shilling?” said the Justice, “Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here’s a guinea; go and bury 20 more of them.”

—

—

also read this one