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A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodka.”
The barman says “Wow! you must have had one really bad day.”

“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said “WOW! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yeah, my wife…”

Mom took Little Johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.

Doctor: “How did such a thing happen?”
Johnny: “It’s that damn neighbor girl, Susie. Her braces are too darned sharp.”

This story occurred on Melbourne radio recently.

One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their
spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the
answers are the same, the couple win a holiday to Bali.

Last week the competition went like this:

Presenter: Gidday its FOX-FM, do you want to play the game?

Brian: Yeah, sure.

Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?

Brian: Ohhh, maaaate. Ha Ha, well, about 8 o’clock this morning.

Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?

Brian: Orrrrr …. about 10 minutes.

Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it mate?

Brian: Ohhhh maaaaate, I can’t say that.

Presenter: There’s a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!

Brian: O.K. … O.K. … On the kitchen table.

Presenter: (and others in the room - much laughter). Good one

Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife ?

Brian: Yeah, alright.

Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you ?

Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.

Presenter: (Explains competition again) We’ve got Brian on the other line,say hello.

Sharelle: Hi Brian.

Brian: Hi Sharelle.

Presenter: Now Sharelle, we’re going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.

Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.

Sharelle: O.K.

Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?

Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can’t say that on radio.

Brian: Sharelle, it doesn’t matter. I’ve already told them.

Sharelle: O.K. … About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.

Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question.

How long did it go for Sharelle?

Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.

Co-Presenter: That’s close enough … Brian was just being a gentleman.

Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question.

Where did you do it?

Sharelle: Oh no I can’t say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.

Presenter: There’s a trip to Bali on the line here.

Brian: Sharelle, I’ve already told them so it doesn’t matter anyway just tell em.

Sharelle: Ohhhh …. alright …. Up the arse!

Instant Radio Silence. Advert.

Presenter: Sorry if anyone was offended before, we’re going live here, and sometimes these things happen. We’ve given Brian and Sharelle the holiday. Now we’ll take a music break.

“Calm down, Ma’am,” said the school counselor to the shattered mom. “It’s perfectly
normal. Many boys Little Johnny’s age masturbate.”
“I know,” sobbed his red-eyed mother, wiping the tears with her handkerchief, “but not in
church.”

After a year at sea, a sailor comes ashore, gets drunk, and runs to a brothel. The old
madam says, “All my girls are busy, but I’ll take care of you.”
He says, “I’m all messed up, so you’ll do.”
They go into a room, and after a while, the madam says, “I may have Winter in my hair,
but I’ve got Summer in my heart.”
The sailor says, “Yeah? If you don’t get a little more spring in your rump, we’re gonna be
here ’til Fall.”

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

The kid says, “Yeah.”

The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

Humouring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”

The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.” =)

a tourist from Singapore is enjoying vacation in Malaysia. He is enjoying taking breakfast in Coffee House hotel place where he lodges.
A Malaysian is eating BUBBLE-GUM and sit next to him and starts invites talking easy goingly.

Malaysian : ” All of you Singapore men eat overall of bread ??”
Tourist Singapore : ” Of course”
Malaysian : ” We don’t. In Malaysia we only eat part of depth only. While part of dry bread epidermis,
we collected then we to pack into container, then we produced to become bread croissants and we sell to Singapore.”
The Malaysian then smiled satisfying when seeing the tourist of Singapore is kept quiet without words.

Malaysian : ” Do you eat jam with bread?”
Singapore tourist: ” Of course”
Malaysian ( chuckling) : ” We don’t. In Malaysia we eat fruit of fresh at the time of breakfast. We remove its peel, releases its seed and we collect them and put them into containers, then we produced it to become jam. Then we export to Singapore”

Now, the Singapore man ask the Malaysian : ” Do people in Malaysia do sex ?”
Malaysian : ” Why ? of course we do sex”
Singapore man : ” Do you use ” condoms” ?”
Malaysian : ” Of course !! We use condom”
Singapore : ” Then, what did you do to the condoms that you’ve been used?
Malaysian : ” We are exhaust, of course”
Singapore tourist: ” We don’t. In Singapore, the government silently put the condoms into container,
we process them to become bubble-gums and we sell to Malaysia. That is the reason that is actually why us people in Singapore is prohibited to eats bubble-gum.”