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A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodka.”
The barman says “Wow! you must have had one really bad day.”
“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the […]

In this life I′m a woman. In my next life, I′d like to come back as a bear.
When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
When […]

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you
wish you had ordered that.
*******
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
*******
Why […]

A guy from the gas board phones a house. A little boy answers.
Boy: - hello.
Gas man: - Hello can I speak to your mother or father please?
Boy: - No, they’re busy.
Gas man: - OK. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Boy: - yes, two older brothers.
Gas man: - can I speak to one of them […]

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.
“People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have
no one to go to with our own problems.”
“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out
right now?”
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, […]

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise,
they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on
the other side of the road, which was still barely […]

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of
people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the
gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of […]