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A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodka.”
The barman says “Wow! you must have had one really bad day.”

“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said “WOW! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yeah, my wife…”

In this life I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear.

When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you’re a mama bear,everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.
If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup…gonna be a bear.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you
wish you had ordered that.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight
begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
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It is difficult to understand GOD . He makes such beautiful things as
women and then he turns them into Wives
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If u r married please ignore this MSG,
For everyone else: Happy Independence Day
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say.
After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.
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There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It’s called marriage
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Girlfriends are like chocolates,
Taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot ‘n spicy, eaten frequently.
Wife are like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice
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Man receives telegram: Wife dead should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he
would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru
hell.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other
ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!