30 Mar, 2008
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise,
they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on
the other side of the road, which was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his
blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.
“Well,” he whispered, “I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across
this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted,
‘Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!’
“He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, ‘Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying
piece of trash too!’
“We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us.”
30 Mar, 2008
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of
people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the
gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up
to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t
mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”
St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and
by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
29 Mar, 2008
Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in
many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and
returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn’t seen in almost four years.
As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled,
“Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he’s got a Purple Heart on!”
To which the mother replied, “I don’t give a damn what color it is! Let him in, and you go
play at the Smiths for a couple hours.”
couple hours? 
28 Mar, 2008
An angry man came storming out of the courthouse, ranting and raving. He stomped
across the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, “Asshole attorneys.”
The man next to him recoiled in outrage, saying, “I want you to know I highly resent that remark.”
“Why, are you an attorney?”
“No, I’m an asshole.”
27 Mar, 2008
Attorney to Witness: “Your foster son, Corey, who cooks for him?”
Witness: “Oh, I do.”
Attorney: “How often do you cook for him?”
Witness: “We have probably one good meal a week.”
Attorney: “Well, no commentary on your cooking, but how many bad meals do you have?”
18 Mar, 2008
Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it.Protestantism: shit won’t happen if I work harder.
Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me?
Buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit?
Islam: if shit happens, blame the infidels.
Hinduism: this shit happened before.
Hare Krishna: shit happens Ramah Lama Ding Dong.
Rastafarianism: lets smoke this shit!
i’m just kidding for this stupid shit story, just kidding..!! ding.. ding.. ding…
17 Mar, 2008
Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?”
His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”
Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”
