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While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra
screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke
off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding
down the runway doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio
exchange that took place…
Tower: “Sir, do you need any assistance?”
Cobra: “I don’t know, tower, we ain’t done crashin’ yet.”

Johnny appeared as a witness in a lawsuit. The attorney asked, “Where were you on the
night of July 10?”
“Your Honor, I object,” yelled the counsel for the defense.

“That’s all right, go ahead and ask me,” said Johnny. The prosecutor repeated the
question and again the defense objected.
“Hey. Why shouldn’t he ask me?” said Johnny. “I’ll answer.”
The judge said, “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to
object.”
So the attorney again repeated the question, “Where were you on the night of July 10?”
Johnny said, “I don’t know.”

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them
to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.
Susie said, “He was born in a manger.”
Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”
Little Johnny said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know how to drive it.”
Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Johnny?”
“From my Daddy,” said Little Johnny.
“Yesterday, we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in
front of us and Daddy yelled at him, Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive?’”

After Christmas vacation, an elementary school teacher was asking her students how they
celebrated Christmas. When she got to Sammy, whose father ran a local toy store, she
said, “Sammy, since you’re Jewish, I guess your family didn’t celebrate Christmas.”
Sammy replied, “Oh yes, we did. We all held hands and danced around the cash register
singing, ‘What A Friend We Have In Jesus.’”

Overheard in a computer shop
Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”
Salesman: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”
Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”

A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road.

He rushes to the scene where he discovers a man’s body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril, raspberry sauce all over his head and he is covered from head to toe in hundreds and thousands.

A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to which the policeman replies:

“It looks like he’s topped himself” =)

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

The kid says, “Yeah.”

The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”

Humouring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”

The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.” =)