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A Marine and a Soldier were walking outside when the Soldier said “Look at the dead bird.” The Marine looked skyward and said “Where, where?”
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
Policeman: “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”
Woman: “Well, I have contacts.”
Policeman: “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, “Please help yourself.” The other one said “Okay”, and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one [...]
Teacher: “Suppose there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?”
Boy: “None.”
Teacher: “None? You don’t know your arithmetic!”
Boy: “Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
The answer to the problem was “log(1+x)”. A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn’t want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to “timber(1+x)”.
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city sub- scribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. “Only a shilling?” said the Justice, “Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here′s a guinea; go and bury 20 [...]
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a Judo tournament. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, “You don’t have a chance, I have Kano, Mifune, Kotani, Kimura and all the greatest players up here”.
“Yes”, snickered the Devil, “but I have all the referees.”
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