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Before read this joke. You have to watch the STARTREX Next Generation first..
Then you will know why i laugh (love) this joke.

WORF: Captain, there are three Romulan warships uncloaking dead ahead.
PICARD: On screen.

The main viewing screen changes to a pattern of horizontal lines, each only a single pixel wide!

PICARD: Data, what’s wrong here?
DATA: Captain, the main viewscreen does not have sufficient video memory to display an image of this size. May I suggest that you select a lower resolution?
PICARD: Make it so.

The screen blanks, and then an image appears, with big, blocky square pixels. Three objects appear in the center, which could be Romulan warbirds, but which actually look more like the aliens in Space Invaders!

PICARD: Data, open a hailing channel to the Romulans.
DATA: Aye, sir.

Data picks up an hourglass from the floor beside him, turns it over, and places it on the console in front of him. He punches some buttons on the console and sits motionless for several seconds. A flash of light blossoms from one of the Romulan ships on the viewscreen!

WORF: Incoming plasma torpedo, Captain!
PICARD: Shields up!
DATA: I’m sorry, Captain, but I am still attempting to complete your last instruction. I must ask you to wait until I have finished before you issue your next command.
PICARD: What on earth do you mean? Data, this is important! I want those shields up right now.
DATA: I’m sorry, Captain, but I am still attempting to complete your last instruction. I must ask you to wait until I have finished before you issue your next command.
LAFORGE: Allow me, captain. to Data! Control-alt-delete, Data.

Data removes the hourglass from the console, and returns it to the floor!

DATA: The Romulans are not responding to my hails. Press my nose to cancel and return to Windows. Pull my left ear to close this communications channel which is not responding. You will lose any information sent by the Romulans.

LaForge pulls Data’s left ear!

PICARD: Shields…

There is a tremendous explosion. The bridge shakes violently, and all the crew members are thrown to the floor. A shower of sparks erupts from Wesley Crusher’s station at the helm, throwing Wesley back away from the console!

PICARD: … up, Data!
DATA: Aye, sir.
RIKER: All decks, damage report!
WORF: Captain, Ensign Crusher is injured. He appears to be unconscious.

Data picks up the hourglass again, places it on his console, and punches some more buttons. He waits a few seconds, then puts the hourglass back on the floor!

DATA: Shields are now up, captain.
PICARD: And not a moment too soon. Worf, lock all phasers on the lead Romulan ship.
WORF: Aye, sir. He punches buttons on the weapons console!
PICARD: Mr. Data, take the helm, and prepare for evasive action.
DATA: I am sorry, sir, but I do not have the proper device driver installed for that console.
PICARD: Well, damn it, install the right one.
DATA: Please insert Setup Implant #1 in my right nostril.
PICARD: Number One, where do we keep Data’s setup implants?
RIKER: I left them with Geordi.
LAFORGE (in a surprised voice): What!!? I thought you still had them!
PICARD: Data, don’t you have device drivers stored in your internal memory?
DATA: Not found, sir. Please insert Setup Implant #1 in my right nostril.
PICARD: Data, I don’t have Setup Implant #1.
DATA: Not ready reading right nostril. Abort, Retry, Fail?
PICARD: Abort!
DATA: Not ready reading right nostril. Abort, Retry, Fail?
PICARD: Well, fail, then!
DATA: Current nose is no longer valid.

Data walks over to the helm, and presses several buttons. The ship lurches, the images of the Romulan warships suddenly shift to one side of the viewscreen, and a high-pitched whining noise is heard coming from somewhere else in the ship!

LAFORGE (alarmed): Data, what the hell are you doing?
PICARD: Number One, do we have a customer service number for Data?
RIKER: Yes sir, but last time I tried to call them, I got put on hold for two hours before I was able to talk to anyone. And that person wasn’t knowledgeable about androids of Data’s model. She specialized in industrial control robots.

Suddenly, the lights all go out, the viewscreen goes blank, and all the usual noise of fans, motors, and so on whines to a halt. After a few seconds, the red emergency lights come on. Data is standing by the console, absolutely motionless!

PICARD: What’s going on?
LAFORGE (checking the helm console): Lieutenant Data has caused a General Protection Violation in the warp engine core.
PICARD: These androids look really sharp, but you can’t really do anything with them.

The shimmer of the transporter effect appears, and six Romulans in full battle dress materialize on the bridge. A seventh figure, a Ferengi, appears moments later!

FERENGI (with a mercenary grin): Can I interest you in a Copy of Windows 95 for androids, Captain?

A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

“House” is feminine - “la maison”
“Pencil” is masculine - “le crayon”.

A student asked “What gender is ‘computer’?”
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups: male and female. And asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (”la computer”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later review
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you fi nd yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be
masculine (”le computer”), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem, and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.

The women won…

Superman was flying along one day feeling very horny.
He came across Batman so he decided to ask Batman,
“Hey Batman, I’m feeling horny. Do you know anyone I can f*ck?”
Batman told Superman, “Wonderwoman. She’s the best.”
Superman responded, “No, I can’t do that. She’s a friend and it might ruin our relationship.”
So Superman was flying along again when he came across Spiderman.
He said, “Hey Spiderman, I’m really horny. Do you know where I can get a f*ck?”
Spiderman said, “Wonderwoman, she’s the best!”
Superman said, “No I can’t do that to her. Thanks anyway.”

He flew off again and came across Captain America.
He said, “Captain America, you’re the man. I am feeling SO horny, do you know where I can get laid?”
Captain America replied, “Wonderwoman, she is the best f*ck in Superhero Land.”
Superman said, “Wow, I never knew that Wonderwoman f*cked so many people. Still I can’t do that to her.”

While flying again, he saw Wonderwoman in the middle of a field, totally naked, and with her legs spread up in the air.
He thought to himself, I’m faster than the speed of light, I’ll be in and out before she even knows it.
So, overcome with horniness, he flew down, f*cked, and flew away feeling totally satisfied.

Meanwhile, in the field, Wonderwoman said, “What was that?!?”
The Invisible man said, “I don’t know, but my ass sure hurts.”

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana’s death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, carrying Nikon cameras; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by Andy, a cosmopolitan,
using Bill Gate’s technology.

That’s it, globalization!!!

There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all
working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the
Spanish guy, “You’re in charge of the cement.”
Then he said to the Russian guy, “You’re in charge of the dirt.”
Then he said to the Korean guy, “You’re in charge of the supplies.”
Then he said, “I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on
your work. It better be good or you’re fired.” So they all go off to
go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He
looks at the big pile of cement and goes, “Good work,” to the Spanish
guy.
Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, “Good work,” to the
Russian guy.
Then he couldn’t find the Korean guy so he asks, “Where the heck is
the Korean guy?”
All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of
dirt and yells, ” SUPPLIES!”

:)     :) 

supplies = he means “surprise”

What is the difference between girls aged:

8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!!

A girl turns 2 her boyfriend in a crowded movie & says “Hon, the guy beside me is masturbating!”
He says, “Ignore him”.
She says, “I can’t! He’s using my hand!”