Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
There were two ships. One was painted red. One [...]
I know. I know. I know that people say “It’s the thought that counts, not the gift”, but couldn’t people think a little biger!
Santa Claus is a Jolly fellow! Imagine all that driving and still being able to say “Ho! Ho! Ho!
Father to three-year old: “No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna.
Every [...]
You’d never be expected to make the coffee.
There’d be no more early morning decisions about what to
wear to the office.
You could grow a gut the size of Guam and consider it a job requirement.
Buy one big black belt and you’d be accessorized for life.
There’d be no reason to have your colors done.
Everyone would be extremely [...]
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It’s Christmas, Eve !
Christmas Elf
How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !
What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month ?
The letter “D” !
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he [...]
This should help you explain the empty stockings…
10. The Department of Justice charged him with monopolistic practices.
9. Rudolph just spent 36 straight hours logged on to AOL’s Flirt’s
Nook under the handle “BigRed.”
8. He’s upgrading to 32-bit gifts.
7. This year, you have to download your gifts via ftp from the
virtual gift library.
6. Too absorbed by Bill [...]
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark?
Frostbite
Where does Santa buy his gardening tools from?
Frosty the Hoeman
Why is Rudolph always wet?
Because he is a rain-deer
Why did the elf put a clock in Santa’s sleigh?
He wanted to see time fly
Why is the Christmas alphabet different from the regular alphabet?
No “L” (Noel)
What is [...]
From us (”the wishor”) to you (”hereinafter called the wishee”), please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices [...]