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A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?”

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!” The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?” The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence.” The teacher replies, “Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!”

The little boy then says, “Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?”

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, “Well, I guess the one sucking her cone.”

To which the little boy replies, “Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!”

To: Cavemates
From: Bin Laden, Osama
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2001 8:17 AM
Subject: The Cave

Love you lots.
Osama B.

Scientists for Health Canada have suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were fed six pints of beer each.  It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His
depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of “Here I come again … ONE, TWO, THREE…UUH!” all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it go?”

The first mutters, “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get a erection.”

The second dwarf shook his head. “You think that’s embarrassing?”….

“I couldn’t even get on the bed!”

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section — but he didn’t care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there. The guy replies, “No, because my wife just died.”

“Well,” says the first man, “why didn’t you just bring a friend or relative?”

The guy replied, “Oh, they’re all at the funeral.”

Two businessmen were talking about good places to have lunch. One said, ”Maxie’s is a wonderful place for lunch. You go in for lunch and everyone says ‘hello’, immediately a delicious sandwich and a cold beer are set up on the bar for you.

That’s followed by several more cold beers and it’s all ‘on the house’. They have music and you get to dance a bit and then you go into a back room and have wonderful sex.  When it’s time for you to leave, the bartender gives you a twenty dollar bill and invites you to come back anytime.” 

The other man says, “You’ve got to be kidding.  I find that really hard to believe. Do you go there often?” 

“No,” his friend replies, ”actually I’ve never been there but my sister goes every noon.”

“Never trust a dog to watch your food.”
– Patrick, age 10

“When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?’
Don’t answer.”
– Hannah, age 9

Never tell your Mom her diet’s not working.”
– Michael, age 14

“Stay away from prunes.”
– Randy, age 9

“Don’t pull Dad’s finger when he tells you to.”
– Emily, age 10

“When your Mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.”
– Taylia, age 11

“Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.”
– Traci, age 14

“A puppy always has bad breath–even after eating a Tic-Tac.”
–  Andrew, age 9

“If you still not laugh, i will kill you :p

–Author, Age 21

wait for the next part two gays..

Ummm….i mean guys.. !!