most annoying laughs | short clean jokes | police most laughs | funny free monologues | computer stupid jokes | attorneys lawyers comedy | coffee and ice cream | the Malaysian funny story

Naoto Beng the Malaysian goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Naoto Beng : “What is that shiny object ?”
Salesgirl : “That is a thermos flask.”
Naoto Beng : “What does it do ?”
Salesgirl : “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold”
Naoto Beng : “I’ll buy it”
The next day, Naoto Beng goes to work with his thermo flat
Boss : “What is that shiny object ?”
Naoto Beng : “It’s a thermos flask.”
Boss : “What does it do ?”
Naoto Beng : “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold”
Boss : “What do you have in it !?”
Naoto Beng : “Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream”

There was this couple who had been married for 20 years. Every time they
made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light. Well, after
20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him
out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a
wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked
down… and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure
device… a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went
completely ballistic. “You impotent bastard,” She screamed at him, “how
could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!”

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: “I’ll explain
the toy…… you explain the kids.”

do you think that she affairs?Yeeaaahhh .. i think so

but still a funny story

Arabs and Jews

How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Arabs just sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.

Adam and The rib

After God had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. He decided to help.

He said “Adam, I’ve decided to make you a woman. She’ll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you.”

Adam said “Great! How much will she cost me?”

The answer came back, “An arm and a leg.”

“Well,” said Adam “what can I get for a rib?”

Windows

Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows.

Seven course meal

What does a man consider a seven course meal?

A hot dog and a six pack of beer.

US combat

How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?

Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back

another Little Johnny funny jokes

Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?”

His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”

Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer … you’re in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators; the engineer soon becomes a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies: “Hey, things are going great! We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators! And there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next!”

God exclaims: “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan, standing his ground, challenges: “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God replies threateningly: “Send him back up here or I’ll sue!”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: “Yeah, right! And just where are YOU going to find a lawyer?”

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Little Jhon: Gandhi was born..
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Little Jhon: Gandhi was four years old..

Teacher: Because of Gandhi’s hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Ramsay Khan: A holiday….!!

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on “Sun”, Everyone must attend it..
Little Jim: No ma’m..! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why…?
Little Jim: My mother will not allow me to go so far….!!

Teacher: Where does God live..?
Little me: I think he lives in our bathroom..
Teacher: Why do you say that..?
Little me: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the bathroom door and says, “Ohh..God, are you still in there..?”

Sitting together on a train, travelling trough the Swiss Alps,
are a south african,an Australian,a sexy Spanish blonde and an old English Grandma.
The train goes into a tunnel ,a few seconds later there’s a slap sound.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Australian has a bright RED hand print on his cheek.
No one speeks.Very silent.They four look each other in suspicious mind.
The old lady thinks:”The Australian must have gropped the blonde in the dark,and she slapped his cheek.”
The blonde thinks:”The Australian must have tried to grope me but he missed and fondled the old lady, and she slapped him.”
The Australian thinks:”ThE African must have gropped the blonde ,she tried to slap him,but missed and got me instead. Sucks…”
The South African thinks:”This is great.I slapped him and nobody knows.”

Warning..!! Don’t try this when travelling.
It’s only a joke!